We're in a small group, and for six weeks, we're working through the Seamless book and videos from Angie Somebodyorother. Seamless is a 7-installment overview of the Bible, ostensibly for people who feel inadequate around others who have read and understand the Bible. Seamless is the flavor of the week, finding wide usage in church study groups right now. Seamless is also for people who like pastel pink, glib asides which distract from the topic at hand, and who prefer Cliff's notes to the original unabridged works. The associated videos are for people who can watch a lady with impossibly-whitened teeth talk while pushing the sides of her mouth back and forth into her cheeks. People who can trust the printed promises in the book how in this study, the sweep of scripture will be tied together in one seamless, comprehensible package and it's really hard reading but trust me, it will all make sense as we go through the next weeks' studies and in the end you'll come away with a superduper knowledge that you didn't have before but who are also people who can forget immediately when the survey's over, all of the promises about the whole package making tidy sense never got answered.
I read the first week's portion last week, and hoped that my attitude would improve as we forged ahead. We're going over week two tomorrow night at our group. So last night, I'm pushing to the side the four other books I'm simultaneously ingesting and am really excited about, to pick up the smug non-sequitur-soaked copy of Seamless and do the homework for the week.
I read a page and half. I stop and I say, "OMB, I can't do this to myself for another month." I determined that I was either going to ditch group for the next 5 weeks, or I was going to finish off this inanity right here and right now.
I told myself and the group that I would do the readings, so I'm doomed. And, when I first picked up the book, I wondered if I was to try to put together a survey study of the whole Bible, how would I put it all together? Curiosity about how she'd made this whole thing work, especially in only 6ish chapters, got the better of me. So I forced myself to sit there at the kitchen table and choke the whole thing down in one seamless session.
L was laughing at me as she overheard my exasperation in involuntary sighs and groans all evening.
Bible lite. Like reading the title page and back cover of War and Peace, and telling folks you read the book cover to cover. Like watching the trailer and thinking you can tell everyone you've seen the movie. Like reading the headlines and saying you've read the newspaper.
It's like a guidebook for christians who are too lazy or undisciplined or disinterested to read the actual Bible, but who want to tell others that they've done a study of the entire Bible. Exactly like that, actually.
So, how did Angie pull off "an overarching understanding of the fundamental layout and meaning of the Bible" as the Lifeway advertising says, in only 7 sessions?
She didn't. Seamless never does follow through on its vows to put it all together into one thread, which was most infuriating. Who reads this book, and then recommends it to others? I wonder if this is all just a wide and elaborate practical joke on me to see if I'd actually read the book through without flinging my copy against the wall. Ha, ha! Got me! You can all come out now, hoo hoo!
The fact that this is popularized as a viable vehicle for group study in the American church is an indictment on the puddle-deep spirituality that passes for christianity in America. Why no one questions a book called Seamless, which lacks seams by omission, the way the emperor's new clothes lack seams, shows that people will buy whatever they're sold.
Postscript: How this does my heart good. L was chiding me as we drove to our small group meeting: Don't say anything bad about the book. Be positive.
And so, I was keeping silent. The group did the work for me, deciding unanimously and quite immediately that we were going to be studying something else for the next 5 weeks. I like this group.
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