STRHT A1.2 - 20160130

Ignition
Death by GtO, 113#
6 rounds
7 mins.

- 1 min -

4 rounds, HT timer
Pendlay row 7/8/10/10 @ 113#
Dynamic push up @ 5+
9 mins.

- 2 mins - 

4 rounds, in .30 on 1.30
OH Press 5,5,5+ - 100, 115, 130
Actual: 5x 105#/5x 115/5x 135, lsf 105# x8
DB curl @ 33# x9ish
11 mins.

Make up day. Posterior chain is so sore from squatting, GtO was uncomfortable.

11.5 hours - 2000/0730. 32 minutes total. PE: 7.

Off Schedule - Pulls - 20160129

AM
6 round Neutral grip pulls Pyramid, HT timer
... that's 36 reps, 90% of them perfection.
12 mins.

PM
Fell asleep at 1900, slept 12 hours. How about that.

6 hours - 2200/0400. 12 minutes total. PE: 6.

Angels Someaware.

Isn't that Jesus? Isn't he Joseph and Mary's son? Well, didn't he grow up right here? He played with our children. What? He must be kidding, thinks he's a prophet. Well, prophets don't grow up from little boys, do they? From little boys... Do they?

So, my last entry was me, all out of sorts and trying to sort it all out, feeling more than thinking, moping more than hoping, and generally not writing or living out of my identity. Die Quietly, right? 

Okay. I'm done dying, and I live to write another day. I've learned a few things over the last week.

• Walk before you run. What's true in the natural is true in the spiritual, and one wouldn't expect a toddler to just jump up and sprint out of diapers. I've been renewed for like, exactly 3 months now. I'm 3 months old! So, I should give my young self a little slack and time to grow. I'll probably still take the whip to my flanks, because I want to move forward as fast as possible, but I'll do it with patience. Five years from now I'll be in prophetic kindergarten. A child prodigy there, but still a child in it. 

Until then, I'll focus on operating prophetically, but to Prophesy inspirationally - operate in what we all know is primary; love and encouragement. I don't have to have a special word from the Lord for someone. Lightning doesn't have to strike when I have access to household current. I'll plug in, dig in, and explore my own identity. What I learn about my life in Christ will be applicable to everyone I meet. Pre-packaged prophecy.

• Carl said, "it can be frustrating when you hear Michael Jordon say, "Basketball is so easy and so fun and you just 'do it.'" But if the other person got a 1 in a million gifting from God in a particular skill, your experience won't be like theirs even if you are one in a million too.  But only one person out of a million is a 'one in a million'  The other 999,999 are not one in a million.  And as it is true in the natural, it is true in the spirit."

So, I'll consider the source when learning about this stuff. I'll learn from people who had to earn their wings.

• Weigh words before delivering them. I spent a good amount of time on a sequence checklist for processing prophetic words... I didn't use it. When you ignore your own codified wisdom, who do you have to blame?

• I went off on the seeing angels walk without listening to part two of the seeing angels talk. This was part one, which was energizing, but I didn't do the activation exercise, or get to listen to Gary Oates' wisdom in Part two. Didn't listen to part 2, should have listened to part 2.  

In fact, and in retrospect, part three was most telling. I might have listened to it first, if I had only known.
Part one: Louise Lopez and her experiences (I got excited and tried to jump in at the deep end of the pool after hearing only this): Supernatural Bible School - Seeing Angels
 
Part two: Activations, and most notably, Gary Oates' balanced viewpoint: Supernatural Bible School - Gary Oates & Louise Lopez

Part three: Panel discussion Lots of good questions answered here: Supernatural Bible School-Jonathan Welton, Gary Oates, Louise Lopez
(As an aside, after viewing this panel discussion, if you're interested in the whole story behind Karen Welton's pain-free childbirth, see this: How To Live Practically Supernatural. Or the quick backstory on Jonathan Welton's activation into spiritual seer-ship, see this: SEEING INTO THE UNSEEN REALM Jonathan Welton on It's Supernatural with Sid Roth).

If there's anything I could have benefitted from most in viewing all three, it might have been Gabriel Lopez' pnov as someone who was working to operate with spiritual senses (sitting in with the panel, and married to super-angel-seer Louise, who felt some exasperation and walk-before-running imbalance as he was growing in this very thing of seeing angels).

• Gary Oates noted that most people see in the Spiritual with eyes closed. This has been my experience, and I was trying to do so with eyes open. Someday, maybe. Until then, I know that for me, it's easier to block out the natural by closing my eyes to it.

• All that whining about being unable to see in the Spiritual. I take it back. 
I've been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ (Eph 1:3), including the basics like sight and hearing. I *can* see, I *have* seen. I met the one angel who talked me down from Army Special Forces. The Tahoe yard sale. The impossibility of Haley's endo. Others. And, the demonic stuff - Lucius and company. I've seen plenty more than most might hope to have seen, and at least 6 spiritual visions in the last three months, and one this morning. So I can do it, I just need to exercise it and understand it.

• Seeing angels isn't just something to do for fun. I mean, they have to be about their own serious business in their role as ministering spirits. Selfish to think that I need to see them for kicks. Can you stop what you're doing for a quick selfie and autograph?
I'll just know that they're there, and worry about being someone doing exploits that angels will want to watch.

• Finally, all that about God manifesting and God hiding making Him look like a bad father in the natural, well, I think it plays out more like this:

Monday: Kon, let's go do something fun together! It's sunny out and we need to tear up the town!
Tuesday: Find me in the quietest place in the house, I want to share something with you about myself that I've never told you.

It's about relationship, and not even really about me (as son) pressing in. A relationship has an ebb and flow, a loud and a quiet, a boisterous song time and a serious sharing time. I was grumpy and wanted a day at Disneyland. God wasn't grumpy, and knows I need to settle in and have a whispered conversation.

Lots of other lessons to learn. I've got all eternity to learn them. One losing day in a string of winners won't keep me down.

Off Schedule - Pulls/Squats - 20160128

AM
8 rounds, max reps, 1 min RI in .30 on 1.30
4x chins/4x pull
10 mins.

PM
Squat, in .30 on 2.00
10x 135#/185/6x 205/215/6x 235////
16 mins.

Meant to do fsl @ 185 for reps, but can't remember if I did or not. If I meant to do it, I must have done it. But then, I'm getting senile, and a lot of things I mean to do fall by the meanside. Whether or not, this was a good squat session. I'll take it.

6 hours - 2200/0400. 26 minutes total. PE: 7.

Off Schedule - Chins - 20160126

5 rounds, max reps, 1 min RI in .30 on 1.30
5x chins
7 mins.

#catchascatchcan while commuting to Burbank

6.5 hours - 2130/0400. 7 minutes total. PE: 5.

Off Schedule - Landmine Complex - 20160125

4 rounds, no timer - trading turns with CC
Landmine RDL/Lunge/Squat x10+

Just as much as I was able to, but not wanted to do today. Lunges really worked the high hamstring insertion.

5.5 hours - 2230/0400. 10 minutes total. PE: 6.

Off Schedule - Shmotel HT - 20160124

Hey! I got a pump! First true HT session in a long time.

5 rounds, HT timer

Chin-grip cable pull down x12's

Neutral grip seated H-push x12's

13 mins.

5/4 rounds, HT timer

Wide grip seated H-pull x10-12's

Cable curl x10

10 mins.

4 rounds, HT timer

Military press x10

5 mins.

29 minutes total. PE: 5.

Angels Unaware.

Driving to Burbank today. Listening to Louise Lopez, talking about seeing in the spiritual, mostly telling us how easily she's been able to see angels since young childhood. Lots of fun stories, lots of nuanced information there. Everyone has these senses to see, and it's so simple! Angels everywhere, if you only look.

Here I note that I took to heart the fact that, just as I have all five physical senses, I have all 5 spiritual senses too (and, here I note that I think that there are six senses - sight, smell, taste, hearing, and a distinction between touch and feeling). So, I don't ask for spiritual eyes, I have them. I don't ask for those eyes to be opened, they are/have been opened. I will ask for focus. I'm going to see angels.

So I roll up early to the jobsite and have some time before everything starts for the day. Angels are everywhere, right? I want to see today. 

I get an inkling. One of our connector guys, who climbs around on the high steel fearlessly, is going to slip today. No problem, he has a protective angel - no, two protective angels - that will bear him up. I don't see it. I asked for the focus to see the angels with Freddy today. I know it. It's a prophetic word. It comes attached to the passage in Ps 91:

A thousand may fall at your side
And ten thousand at your right hand,
But it shall not approach you.

For you have made the Lord, my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place.
No evil will befall you,
Nor will any plague come near your tent.
For He will give His angels charge concerning you,
To guard you in all your ways.
They will bear you up in their hands…

I had some of the cards with me that I bought to use the way GC uses them - get a word, write it out, and hand it out when you encounter the person for whom the word applies. I've been working on all of this, seeking to operate in the prophetic. 
I knew this was for Freddy, so I dated the card, wrote out the passage and a message about what happened that day, and sealed the card in an envelope. I'll stuff it into my job folder and give it to him when it comes true. See, this was written this morning before anything scary happened - God had you all along.

Then, I'm challenged. Give it to him beforehand. 

So I do. Before the day's opening safety meeting, I give him the card. 
What's this? 
Ah, just open it later. 
When? 
I dunno, the end of the day. 

I don't take the safe road. I'm anxious about it, and you may not think this is much, but for me, giving him the card before I see any fruition is a big step out in faith. I'm either going to bring extra glory to God, or look extra stupid.

Are you with me so far? 1) I'm sure enough that I had a word to write it out and give it to someone; 2) I've just been told for an hour and a half that seeing in the spiritual is mine for the asking, and I asked.

I was busy all day, running around the site and getting other stuff done, so late in the day, I made time to get over to where the connecting was happening. If you're not there to see it, you won't get to see it.

The day's winding down, I'm nearly needing to get on with other work. Still nothing. I'm tearing up. I don't *need* vindication, but I want it. I want to know that I can hear the voice of God. I want to believe that Faithful Physical Actions Release Spiritual Realities. 
I'm watching the work, and thinking that this is ironic, the Safety officer looking for someone to slip while working. 

Annnnd, long story short(er). I'm at the end of the day, and the thing doesn't pan out. Freddy isn't miraculously delivered from a fall, and I don't see anything in the spiritual - and no angels.

I'm driving home. I'm not just feeling disappointed, I *am* disappointed. I feel let down by God. I'm broken down in spirit. I stepped out in faith, and … nothing. Embarrassed and abandoned.

A denouement aside: driving home on the 5, there's a couple accidents and the freeway's jammed up. I jumped off the highway, and took Sunland over to the 210. And I'm still hopeful. Am I going to see something going through this new and different way? So, my eyes are open. I'm looking for God in everything. Is this it God? Is there someone or something for me to see or encounter or am I to be used?

Annnd, nothing. Again. Kind of the insult to injury.
I just drive the 210 and get back to the 5 and head home over the grapevine just like every other day. Except that today, I feel like I'm driving completely alone in the truck. People talk about being close to God and how great that feels, and everyone wants to hear those stories. What does it mean when you really, really want to encounter God, and you're wanting Him in everything, to see what He sees, to pass His words on to others, and, no?

Hard to say, hard to take, but my faith took a hit today. I'm full of negatives, like I'm not going to mess around with any prophetic words for others until something changes. This feeling my way in the dark is fruitless. I was just telling the High Schoolers on Wednesday night how my spiritual birthday was on the 9th - that on a Wednesday night like that one, 36 years ago, I accepted Christ as Lord and was able to jump into a discipleship group right away, and grow. You can hear the voice of God for yourselves because the Holy Spirit is in you.
Today, I'm grinding the thought that here I am, three decades later and I don't know the voice of God. I can't operate in even simple spiritual sight. 

I'm menandering here, because I'm so conflicted. But this is the crux: 1) I really thought that I had a specific word from God, and I didn't; 2) I really trusted that I had access to something, and doubled down by asking  for it, and wasn't given it.

Did I expect too much? Tried too hard? Is that possible? Did I expect beyond my abilities? I do doubt, not that God cannot speak, but I doubt that I can hear. And I doubt that I can see. And, I doubt that I can ask, and receive.

So, unless something changes, I'm not listening to people like GC talk about what they do in the prophetic, or people like Louise Lopez talk about what they see in the spiritual, until they can get the rubber down onto the road and flipping talk about HOW. It's so simple! You just listen! You just look! Yeah, right. Stop with the generalities and teach it. I have seen demons, I've encountered angels, but I can't control it, so what good is that? I'm going to stop trying to exercise my spiritual senses, because trying is stupid. It's either easy like they say, or it's out of my control and not a reliable weapon in my arsenal.

And, unless something changes, I'm not talking about the voice of God, because of this. I am not convinced that I know the difference between my own internal mental voice and God's. Listening harder in an echo chamber of wintry silence is crap, too. 

Yeah! God is manifesting - He's entering into your world! 
Shhh. God is hidden - you have to press in and enter His world. 

That's great. Can you imagine if I was that kind of father to Kon? 
Monday: Hi Kon, how was your day? Let's go do something together!
Tuesday: Where's dad? He's hiding from me, I can't find him anywhere.

Tell me what I'm missing because this is not how to build a stable relationship in the natural.

You can't teach what you don't know. Unless something changes, I'm going to do some shutting up now, too. I've been pretty vocal about all the Godstuff in my life, and I'm sure it's been borderline annoying to people around me. Well, I don't have anything positive to say right now, so I'll quiet down.

I do want to be wrong about all this. I do wish there was someone who knew about this stuff that could shoot straight about it and educate me. I'm really sick of exploring the black box room, so I'll just sit down and stop trying to find a way out of it and just remain until led out.

And yes, I sound like a child who was promised a toy and didn't get to play with it. I feel just like that. I feel just as temperamental, angry, let down and weepy as a heartsick child. But I'm not just being a baby. I'll be fair to myself. 
I'm also feeling ripped off like a teen who was given the keys to a car and told that they could drive it, and who promised a ride to a friend, and then went out and the car wouldn't start. 
I'm feeling as put out as an adult who was promised an operational budget in the business, and when I got to the checkout lane to get some supplies to work with, the company credit card was denied. Embarrassment and abandonment.

…in everything give thanks, for this is God's will for you.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

I'm going to stay in Your will and thank you for this failure. Because I trust that this will show a shortcoming that I need fixed, so I can improve. I'm frustrated in this, but I thank You that even in this something good can come of it. 

I'll rationalize like that adult, cut off and resourceless in the business. God is good, He has given gifts to his children. Everything that was in Christ is in me. So, if JC could hear the voice of God, and see angels, I'm supposed to have access to that. I should have access to that. I should be able to lay claim to that, and operate in that. So what's the problem? Is my card demagnetized?

Is it in me? I'm the limiter? What is it in my identity, or mental framework, or lack of experience that is so blunted that I'm missing the basics of sight and hearing?

If that's it, I want to know, and the knowledge is going to have to come from without - because right now, I feel so cut off and abandoned that I don't even want to move forward in any of this. 
__
PS. A week later, I caught a number of points of clarity, and became someaware.

Off Schedule - Landmine Movement - 20160120

4 rounds, 1 min RI
RDL landmine ballerinas, x10 - 11+ landmine lunges, bar only
8 mins.

DB thrusters @ 33s#, HT timer

x11/12/13/14
6 mins.

6 hours - 2200/0400. 14 minutes total. PE: 5.

STRHT A2.1 - PushPull - 20160117

Ignition
Death by chins
5 +3 rounds
6 mins.

- 1 min -

4 rounds, HT timer
Pendlay row 5/6/7/8 @ 133#
Dynamic push up @ 5/6/7/8
10 mins.

OH Press 3,3,3+ - 100, 115, 130
Actual: 3x 135#/3/4, lsf 113# x4
DB curl @ 40# x8ish
9 mins.

Push ups slammed my ability to OH press today. Or, I've lost a lot of strength. In either case, just freaking do the program as written, will ya? 100, 115, 130 would have been a better play today than just thinking that 135 was going to go up (which, it *should* have).

8 hours - 2330/0730. 28 minutes total. PE: 7.

Off Schedule - Step Squat n' RDLs - 20160115

I know, I just started STR-HT, but can't get it on track. Too much work schedule, and fighting off the valley creeping crud since sweeping out the treehouse on the 2nd, and with the change in the weather, rain and fog brings the miasma right down into the holler of my lungs. Easy now.

4 rounds, HT timer
Step Squat x10 @ 135#
RDL x10+ @ 115#
... one more squat.
11 mins.

6.5 hours - 2130/0400.

What's a Whathog?

But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil. - Hebrews 5:14

I'm intentionally working to experience via my spiritual senses. Last night, I was exercising. I was troubled and consternated last night. Attended the All-In night at HP last night. 

One thing Brenda had pointed out was a spirit of offense in the church at HP. Sure enough. There one is, fellowshipping with the most faithful at All In night. How did I know? It was operating. How did I know it was operating?
The opening singing time starts, and I'm feeling offended. I'm thinking, to myself about myself, What are you doing? Are you really going to beat your head against the wall at a place where people don't even really waste breath to say Hello to you? How all-in are you really going to get … 
I kinda cut it off there, because I'm aware when the mental voice is an unfriendly one, not from me or anyOne I like. So yeah, recognizing these thoughts is what finally illuminated me that Offense was at work.

So I took some time to address the spirit of offense in the room, forbidding him to act, and shutting his mouth, taking authority over his ability to speak thoughts into the attendants' minds, and sending him outside; then releasing some Instead from the Lord - the spirit of unity and love and understanding into the place, instead.

That was during the opening song time. Fast forward to the closing song time, here's an sight, and a strange aside. 
During the final song, I stop singing, and listen; I close my eyes and try to engage my spiritual sight. What is there to see in this place? Nothing. 
Nothing. 
Noth-What's that? 
Something moving, lit from within, blurred bright white and luminous iceberg blue, creeping forward and low, down from the upper back level of the room to the front. Down the step near me, just seven feet away. Indistinct, ethereal but solid. What is that? A big dog? A wolf? Moving slowly now, toward me on my right. I turn my head and extend my right hand toward it, palm forward, fingers down. You're not scary. We sense each other, yah. 

It comes near my hand, like it's going to sniff my fingers, and the best I can make out, with a snout long and narrow. It shows its teeth along the edge of its mouth, but doesn't open its jaw. A mouth like a crocodile's, extended and toothy. But it looks most like a warthog.

Are you kidding me? I'm seeing a spirit warthog in church. With sharp gator teeth. It's not threatening me, but I'm not going to pet it. 

I'm not scared, just incredulous and suspicious and calm and curious, and I clench my hand into a ball of a fist. If you try to bite me, you are going to regret it. I'll shove this right down your throat.

The music winds down and I open my eyes and examine an empty floor. 
Weerder and weerder.

Yes, this is an unusual experience for me, and no, I don't know how or why or what a warthoggy apparition means. Toss me a word of knowledge on this, won't you? 

…

The two-day-later post script: 
I turned this over in my mind for a day. I went to bed asking God for illumination as I slept. I didn't dream, per se, but woke up saying Good Morning to God today, and like a math problem that intuition solves, or a puzzle answer that springs to light after a night's sleep, I immediately know who the Whathog was. The answer is always so obvious - once you know the answer.

This is where, if I were telling you all this verbally, I'd stop and ask you some questions and make you think it through like I was trying to think it through and bank up a little suspense and annoyance on your part. But it's not, and if I don't tell you what's the whathog, you're going to just stop reading. So. 

I should have known, if I'd used Welton's circles to pare down the options: 
Not the Holy Spirit, He's unmistakable. 
Not a holy angelic spirit (too unfriendly, yah). 
Not a human spirit, either above or below the sword. I was in a room full of human spirits, and this was Other.
That only leaves a demonic spirit. What demonic spirit would be potentially menacing, but act so benign? How about one that had been muzzled and silenced, roaming a church but doing no wrong only because he was made incapable of wrongdoing for a time, tossed outside but welcomed right back in to roam the aisles?

The whathog was the spirit of offense. To think that I extended my hand to it.  

Off Schedule - OHP n' Chins - 20160112

Yes, off schedule. Yes, not crazy about it. Yes, making an effort.

3 rounds, HT timer 
OH press @ 115# - easy 10-8's
Chins of mostly 5's
... one more Chin.

5.5 hours - 2230/0400. 9 minutes total. PE: 5.

STRHT - Timing - 20160110

Testing the timing for this, and kinda whipping stuff up a little, cheffy style. Throwing ingredients together. Finalizing stuff on paper this week, but giving it all a test run as we go, too.

Ignition
Jump Rope 1 min
Squat Jump x10
Static Hang
Landmine RDLs and Lunges singles x10s
5 mins.

4 rounds, loose timer
Hip Thruster, double strong bands x10
RDL x11 @ 133
14 mins.

Front Squat 5,5,5+
5x 135/x140/165/6x 190/ LSF x140
Antagonists - DB single calf raises
16 mins.

4 rounds, HT timer
OH press 4x 135///8x 85# BtN
Strict Pull up x5
10 mins.

9 - 1 hours - 2230/0730. 47 minutes total. PE: 6.

Off Schedule - Oly Squat n' Chins - 20160108

531 Squat
...in .30 on a loose 2.00
5x135/5x185/5x210/6x240/LSF 6x185
Right knee sounds like gravel. Based off of the 2016 backoff chart.
13 mins.

Chins
4 rounds of mostly 3's, HT timer
6 mins.

6.5 hours - 2130/0400. 19 minutes total. PE: 7.

Off Schedule - Catch as Catch Can - 20160105

Rounds in .30 on 1.15
Air squats; 20/21/22/23/24/25
Failed getting in the reps before .30 on the 25.

Long day in the work truck, just doing the little I can today. Prayer team tonight, that's more important - sacrifices have to be made!

Off Schedule - Presses - 20160102

Off Schedule, just pressing as I pass through the backyard today.

OHP
3x 5-6 @ 133#
3x 5-6 @ 115#

Lots going on with family and staying up late and eating like garbage and basically just enjoying Christmas the way it should be enjoyed.